I am convinced that the worst thing that could ever happen to me is that I end up being happy without God. If I stray away from God, I want my heart to feel the cold emptiness of what is lacking. I want, in other words, to be sensitive to reality. I don’t want my soul drugged by artificial replacements for God. I don’t want spiritual anaesthetics to dull my awareness of reality. It’s strange, but I always know when my heart has become dull to reality. I know what it feels like to sense clearly. I know the joy of the rising above the ‘cloud level’ to see things in the stark light of God’s presence. Even when I see terrible truths about myself, as I inevitably do, there is a sweetness to the truth (cf. Ezekiel 3:3) because, in seeing this, I find myself in agreement with God and am then positioned to be able to receive his love and forgiveness. Yes, I know this joy and I can never forget it. And I know when I have lost it; when the world becomes hazy again; when I descend again into the dark cloud of self-administered anaesthesia. Let yourself feel empty if you are empty. Let yourself feel the sadness of your spiritual loneliness if you have departed God’s side. Pray that this sadness smashes through the veneer of false joy. For this sadness will lead you back to God. The Psalmist moves from the emptiness of his soul to God. His sadness drives him to seek. ‘Hope’ is reaching out of darkness and alienation towards God. God is there to be found by those who seek him.
Ask God to attune your heart to reality.
Read Psalm 42
